life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
