Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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