im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
