ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
