I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
