It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Less talking, more tequila
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
