no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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