U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
