I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
