Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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