i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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