kristin has been a bad kristin
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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