the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
