I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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