my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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