I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
