Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
