Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
