so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
