What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
