sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
