no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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