I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
