Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
