woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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