yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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