How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
