i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
