My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
