i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
