I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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