I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want to make out with him forever
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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