I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
honey bunches of taint.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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