my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
