Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
