i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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