Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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