I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
be right there i have to get my cape
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got inside last night via doggy door
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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