I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
