I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
