I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
