Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I checked into jail on foursquare
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
