I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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