barbara walters just said penis...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
