Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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