So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
