Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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