is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
