My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My vagina is very pro this idea
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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