We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
