Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
