We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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