dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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