Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize