So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
