Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
barbara walters just said penis...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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