Im at strip club and am horny
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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