fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
