I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
