The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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