Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
