I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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