dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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