i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
