p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I FOUND THE LEGS
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize