What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
