why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
