really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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