everyone is single if you try hard enough
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
