Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
