Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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