my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't turn off my feet"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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