Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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