During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
