Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
