yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
