So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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